How To Be More Confident

Venice, CA

It’s taken me almost 30 years to feel this confident and comfortable in my own skin.  (I, of course still get nervous, anxious, uncertain, or self conscious from time to time!)  But I wanted to write today’s post about topics many of you have shown interest in over the past few months; how to feel more confident, how to deal with insecurities and anxiety, how to handle haters and negativity, and how to push through fear or failure.  All of these topics relate to one another and I am going to share techniques that have personally worked for me.

  1. Never take advice from someone you don’t admire or want to be like.
    A friend told me her dad used to tell her this growing up and I absolutely love this statement.  We get advice thrown at us ALL THE TIME – whether it be from our parents, siblings, coworkers, neighbors, advertisements, even strangers!  It can be hard to decipher right from wrong, and make decisions on our own with so many different opinions coming at us.  Take a step back for a second next time someone offers you solicited – or unsolicited advice and really think whether you want to take it or you want it to let it go in one ear and out the other…
  2. Constantly check in with yourself and ask yourself how something makes you feel.
    Does it make you feel good, bad, sad, unsettled?  Pausing and asking yourself this simple question, allows you to think through all of your options and make the right decision for YOU – a decision you can feel confident about.
  3. Trust your gut and listen to your intuition- 99.9% of the time it’s right.
    Your gut KNOWS.  I have ignored my gut instinct many times in my life and have been sooooo disappointed at myself afterwards – listen to that inner voice!!!
  4. Accept the fact that you’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea and be genuinely ok with that.
    No one is liked by everyone.  There will always be haters, there will always be negativity in the world, there will always be someone saying something about so and so.  There will also always be supporters, lovers, positivity, kindness and karma that will far outweigh that noise – I promise!  How people treat you or anyone else – is actually a reflection of how they feel about themselves.  Does someone who is content and happy inside have the time or desire to attack, put down, or scrutinize others?  Nope!  So just feel sorry for whoever tries to put you down, wish them well, and move on with your life.
  5. Surround yourself with genuine people.
    Find your tribe.  Evaluate all of the relationships in your life and make sure you have cultivated a small handful of real, true, honest friends who will have your back whether you are broke AF, injured, sad, unemployed – you name it.  These people will lift you up and recharge you when you’re feeling down.  These people will reassure you when you need it the most and remind you that you are unique, special and beautiful.  
  6. Pull away and steer clear of anyone who makes you feel off or bad about yourself because…
    “You become like the 5 people you spend most of your time with. Choose wisely.”  This seems pretty obvious right?  But it’s actually not.  It’s actually really hard!  I’ve personally been purging and pulling away from certain friends and acquaintances over the years who either make me feel off (sometimes we can’t even explain it, but again, trust your gut!), come off as vapid, shallow, not uplifting, and/or only want something from me.  What’s extremely tricky about this is that often times these aren’t “bad” people and they probably aren’t purposely trying to be like this!  The two choices you have in a situation like this are – you can confront them about how you’re feeling (which sometimes is great and can actually strengthen a friendship and change the person for the better), or politely bow out of things and let it fade.  You don’t have to be mean about it, or cut people out of your life cold turkey, just do what feels best for you.  
  7. Stop thinking everyone is judging you – I swear most people don’t even notice whatever it is you’re worried about.
    Think about it though – majority of the time everyone is so busy living in their OWN world and head, thinking about their OWN problems, dreams, to-do lists, significant others or plans for the night to even notice the things WE are insecure about!  No one but you is looking at, cares about, or likes you less, because of your pimple, stretch marks, bank account, apartment, whatever it may be.  And if they do I suggest you re-read #6 and go with option #2.  
  8. Invest in self care time and become your own best friend.
    Get in touch with yourself and take care of yourself through massage, baths, therapy, exercise, food, meditation, reading, travel, a new hobby or class.   It is so important to strengthen the relationship you have with yourself.  This is your foundation for life!  We cannot always rely on others, we have to be able to pick ourselves up, give yourselves that pep talk, pat ourselves on the back, and reassure ourselves.  This should probably have gone first on the list!
  9. Embrace your quirks and flaws.  BE YOURSELF.  Stop trying to be like everyone else (I am constantly reminding myself of this!)
    Someone asked me if I ever suffered from imposter syndrome.  If I ever compared myself to others.  If I ever felt bad about myself.  Of course – yes!!!!!!  Especially in my industry.  Social media is an amazing and powerful tool, but let’s be real, it can also be extremely draining and toxic.  We are inundated with images of other people, material objects, places, opinions, literally ALL THE TIME.  It’s a lot.   I want to share a quick story on proof of why it’s SO important to be yourself, listen to your gut and stay true to who you are… A few months ago I hired a consultant to give me creative direction and feedback on my Instagram and social channels since I am in the middle of a rebrand (I can’t wait  for you to see my new website!)  She sent me a PDF of images from 6 influencers who either didn’t have blogs at all or who barely blogged, and were essentially instagram models.  She told me I should start posing like them.  She said I should start taking more selfies because “People love selfies” – and regardless of whether I wanted to, I should do it for the likes – and essentially live for the ‘ gram.  I choked on my water.  WOW I thought this woman does not get me at all – she does not understand the message I am trying to convey or the business I have built over the past 8 years.  Obviously I didn’t take her advice, but I couldn’t help but think for a split second “Well should I take more selfies?”  It was as if the universe heard me, because the next day, a woman writing a book about some of the top female entrepreneurs in the country (Tory Burch being one of them!), reached out to interview me to be included in the book!  She said (among other things that she liked about me) – one was that I didn’t take tons of selfies like a lot of other bloggers.  I almost fell out of my chair when I heard that.  It was the reconfirmation I needed to know that my instinct was right and to keep doing what I was doing and just stay true to myself. 
  10. Stock your wardrobe with classic, tailored, neutral business casual pieces that you can mix and match  for any occasion.
    There’s no denying that slipping on something like a gorgeous, flattering LBD gives us that extra pep in our step.  Or that wearing a chic blazer during a big meeting helps you own a room.  Clothing does play a huge role in confidence and our presentation to the world.  So take a little time for yourself and invest in simple pieces – you don’t have to spend a ton of money – that make you look and feel good!

Thank you ladies for all of your feedback on my Wellness series.  It’s been one of the highlights of my career thus far sharing more personal information, tips, and tricks I’ve learned along the way with all of you.  I have so much more to share and so much more to say and I am grateful for such a receptive and supportive audience and community!

This week’s giveaway is $250 worth of any products of YOUR CHOICE from Goop.com.  Browse the website and tell me which item you’d be most excited to pick out in the comments below.  Subscribe to my Youtube (I’m so close to 1,000!!!!), Subscribe to my newsletter, Follow me on Instagram, and engage with/like any of my last 3 photos.  Winner will be announced on FRIDAY!  XO

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSaveSaveSaveSaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

Shop the Post
Lauren Ralph Lauren blazer (similar, similar) // Forever 21 bodysuit (similar)
Veronica Beard pants (also love these)  |  Stuart Weitzman heels
Missoma London necklace  |  Jennifer Zeuner lariat (similar)

Carly Tumen Photography

Share this post

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

34 Comments

  • My lovely people says:

    Great post dear. I really appreciate all those tips, we have to be aware of people and our thoughts too, sometimes they are our worst enemy. Love this kind of post

    Kisses from Miami

    http://mylovelypeople.com/2018/07/24/boss-baby-is-back/#more-1423

    July 25, 2018 | Reply
  • Ewa Macherowska says:

    You look amazing! x

    http://www.evdaily.blogspot.com

    July 25, 2018 | Reply
  • susan says:

    I’d love to try the Instant Facial!

    July 25, 2018 | Reply
  • Rach says:

    These are great tips Kat! I definitely need to work on #7. And you are right and most of the time people probably don’t notice! And omg I would love the Goop Glow Kit!

    http://www.rdsobsessions.com

    July 25, 2018 | Reply
  • Kelly says:

    I love all of Goop’s beauty products! Thank you for this uplifting post today!

    July 25, 2018 | Reply
  • Roses for Fridays | by mia says:

    Wonderful post … love ♥️it! 🌷👍🏻🌷

    🌸🍃ROSES FOR FRIDAYS 🌸🍃| by mia | A Creative Lifestyle Blog

    July 25, 2018 | Reply
  • Jae says:

    These are such important points. I’ve learned throughout the years, surrounding myself with good people is one of the most important things in my life. This post was so inspiring!
    Jae
    http://www.allthatjae.com

    July 25, 2018 | Reply
  • Briana says:

    I definitely need to work on #7
    I would love to try Vintner’s Daughter Active Botanical Serum!!

    July 25, 2018 | Reply
  • Chermaine Barlis says:

    Love reading your blog. Always get an inpiration from you. I would love the G.Sport Seamed Tank and Seamed Cropped legging.❤️

    July 25, 2018 | Reply
  • Ray Amaari says:

    These are amazing tips.

    http://www.rayamaari.com

    July 25, 2018 | Reply
  • Laura Lily says:

    I LOVE this post so much, Kat! Thank you so much for sharing! PS congrats on the book interview! that is huge!
    xoxo,
    Laura

    July 25, 2018 | Reply
  • Jennifer R says:

    I would love to try the Goop Luminous Melting Cleanser! It sounds amazing!

    July 25, 2018 | Reply
  • Lisa Heller says:

    I’m on such a face oil kick. I’d love to try Goop’s. Also, the replenshing night cream is probably a great pick. I hear the instant facial sells out all of the time. Those three items seem to beholy grail picks that I use, and I bet Goop perfected them! The staff probably tried a million before creating the best!! What a generous giveaway!

    July 25, 2018 | Reply
  • Lianne Luce says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this post! The PURE CALM WELLNESS CANDLE by UMA,LUXURY HAIR OIL by Rodin and JASMINE SMOKE by Heretic would be lovely for a spa day at home!

    July 25, 2018 | Reply
  • Beth Jamieson says:

    I’ve been dying to try goop products! I’m super interested in the instant facial because I think that’s the one G using daily and her skin is always glowing!

    July 25, 2018 | Reply
  • Claire V says:

    Such an inspiring, helpful, motivating post on boosting self confidence and dealing with others. #’s 4 and 7 are constant daily struggles and I need to start reminding myself to stop being paranoid about every single little thing and it’s OK to just be who I am.

    Would love to try all the Goop oils and the oil pulling kit sounds very interesting!

    July 25, 2018 | Reply
  • Kat Chadwick says:

    I love your wellness series! And I would love to try some of the natural beauty products from goop’s site :)

    July 25, 2018 | Reply
  • Catherine G. says:

    Wonderful post Kat! Life is tough sometimes and these words of wisdom help a ton 💕
    I’d love to try the GoopGlow and Replenishing Night Cream 🤞🏼

    July 25, 2018 | Reply
  • Annie Burger says:

    Wow, I had no idea how much I needed this post! Thank you so much for compiling these 10 tips to be more confident! Tips #4, #7, and #9 ESPECIALLY spoke to me. I’ve gone through life trying my best to please others and in doing so, I feel like I’ve lost myself. I was constantly putting others’ needs and wants before my own in an attempt to make them like me but you’ve inspired me to think “I don’t NEED everyone to like me!” You’re SO right in that it’s virtually impossible for EVERYONE to like you; it’s just not going to happen. I was always worrying about what others’ thought of me and I was reliving moments again and again in my head worrying over how my words or actions came off and how it portrayed me. Thank you for teaching us that chances are, those people aren’t even giving it a second thought and they aren’t judging us like we think they are. From now on I’m going to try just being unapologetically myself! It most likely won’t come easy and it’ll be something I have to work towards but I’m definitely inspired to just embrace being me and the importance of staying true to myself, like you said! <3

    I browsed through the Goop website and I would most definitely be interested in the Vintner's Daughter serum! I keep reading and hearing about how it's a miracle serum for your skin and I'd love to try it! Have you ever heard about or tried this product?
    I'd also be interested in the Tata Harper skincare line! Especially the Resurfacing Mask or the Purifying Mask!

    Thanks again for this post! I always look forward to your Wellness Wednesday Series because they are ALWAYS so well thought out and helpful!

    July 26, 2018 | Reply
  • Mimi says:

    i guess i know where to start from.Thanks

    July 26, 2018 | Reply
  • Emily says:

    I want to try all of the goop masks!!

    July 26, 2018 | Reply
  • Kristin Londo says:

    I’d most like to try the RMS Beauty line. I try to use all non-toxic makeup and skincare products and this is one line I’ve heard great things about.

    Thanks for the insightful post; as a small business owner, #1, #3, and #9 resonated most with me. I’ve run my business full time for the past eleven years and kick myself every time I don’t listen to my gut—it knows when something is off! I’ve also received a lot of unsolicited advice over the years and been told to do things how other people are doing them, but simply being myself has worked best. I always look forward to your posts and admire the fact that you haven’t sacrificed the true you to become a success.

    July 26, 2018 | Reply
  • Summer Beauty Must Haves - With Love From Kat says:

    […] and true beauty products on my latest IG post – AND hearing what goodies you’d want from the $250 GOOP.com giveaway – which by the way if you haven’t already entered, DO IT HERE!  Have a great […]

    July 27, 2018 | Reply
  • Nimasha says:

    What an inspiring post, this was my reconfirmation for cutting close but toxic people out of my life.
    I’d love the goop exfoliating instant facial!

    July 27, 2018 | Reply
  • Diamenrose says:

    Great post! This post motivated me to continue with my self confident journey!

    July 27, 2018 | Reply
  • Weekend Reading. - The Stripe says:

    […] How to be more confident! […]

    July 28, 2018 | Reply
  • Lisa Autumn says:

    So motivating babe! Well done!

    x Lisa | lisaautumn.com

    July 30, 2018 | Reply
  • On the List says:

    […] With Love from Kat shares her tips on How to Be More Confident. […]

    August 4, 2018 | Reply
  • Amanda says:

    Thank you for taking the time to post this! I feel that I have lost myself after becoming a mother and moving away from everyone I know (no one reaches out so I guess that’s how strong the friendship was). Thank you for saying how it is ok to find yourself again, to do things to make yourself feel good about yourself – I really needed to read that.

    August 6, 2018 | Reply
  • Danielle Mone says:

    I must say this post is so necessary, especially in the times we’re in. They were all great tips but Number 1 and Number 7 really resonated with me.

    XOXO
    http://www.xoxodaniellemone.com

    August 8, 2018 | Reply
  • Melanie Smith says:

    OMG!! This speaks volumes!! I love this!!
    xoxo
    Melanie
    http://www.lavish-lagniappe.com

    August 12, 2018 | Reply
  • Melanie Smith says:

    Love, love, love this! I strive to do most of these things everyday. It is a challenge but so worth it!!

    August 21, 2018 | Reply
  • Emily Farley Diamond says:

    Love all of them Xxx

    August 28, 2018 | Reply
  • What No One Tells You About Falling in Love - With Love From Kat says:

    […] I met my now boyfriend; Derek, I had finally gotten comfortable with being single and alone again (I had been in a long term relationship years prior.)  I had stopped dating just to date, and I […]

    February 13, 2019 | Reply